you have to know all the movies I've watched some of them you know some of them any clunkers anything you like it on there good there's some good one yeah yeah what are you trying to get me the same man my movies that goes without saying but anything I know I do you go in the water of the ocean alone are you because some people hate the ocean I like the ocean you I do I like the ocean very much yeah you must do you float a lot in the ocean sure what do you think it might be that cast iron heart any point during the competition did you consider using witchcraft to help you whoa hold on that joke is like 1996 I think yeah but you know what so ever be honest I'm sorry I'm an evil person let's try to get past that Melissa I have a phobia of being chased around with poop on a stick [Laughter] I'd say we've all got that fear what are you afraid of well I was gonna go with flying but I think I'll go with girls over 12 I don't even know what I'm gonna say before I said it just flies out of my mouth how does that work what happens when you find yourself in a situation where sincerity is paramount what the way you're looking at me makes me want to cover up my vagina imagine if I had rubber gloves I'd do it for you kind of crazy when I the reason I the way that I met Simon was they asked me to be a guest judge focus Conan to be finally wilt be real here you didn't think I was gonna look down there Oh I move that the younger generation so I just wonder for all of you who are you it's so good it's it's so good because it's so mutual into the room to see what the Pope sneaked into the room snuck isn't it work Conan and you went to Harvard and you should know that snuck past and passed part [Applause] [Laughter] he wanted a tattoo on your penis I wanted to put a tattoo if I would get one there that would say buyer beware I'm impressed there's enough room I tell you Wow and I can assure you he knows there is I hope I can say this one insulting you yes you're the no you know you're the weirdest looking person on the planet Earth just nobody I can't describe fact that I have a full head of hair that's what's going [Applause] I'm not it's just it I just don't have to cover my chin because I'm proud of it okay sure if you weren't famous and you robbed a bank yeah and the dude was describing you to like a police sketch artist yeah he'd be like no seriously what did he look like because you could never remember where all the countries are so it's always fun to discover a new one no Nicaragua was right next to Costa Rica have you guys ever heard of Nicaragua yeah cuz we schooled in England I met you you were nine I can't really talk about it cuz of the restraining order but I was just blown away that you would even know who he was what's his name Hans Tay when you do a little bit of thing is the Dutch absurdist one of the things he does is he brings out a sock puppet which is a black sock it's you already I don't like yeah it's a white sock why don't you just admit to the public into America that you got that from listening to me because that's what I've been saying all week well Stephen I'm gonna admit is that you need to rest your mustache back that's what I'm gonna admit okay that's that's what I'm gonna admit I don't know I don't know what he did I don't know what he did I want you to rest today there's too much space in between here that's the first thing but then the office comes along and I thought well here you go and everybody says yeah but it was only like seven episodes or something white white why didn't you just more than twelve episodes tired [Laughter] fired I need a lie-down I get I got the attention span of a toddler I can't believe you've done this show this long I can't believe it I can't believe it you can tell your heart's not anymore what a perfect transition to Charlie Sheen yeah cuz you did his Russ at the height of his whatever you want to call it meltdown yeah let's watch Anthony we're literally watching you because we couldn't hear a word you said can you repeat something that you said about Charlie Sheen I don't even remember that this is a great operation you guys are running here by the way say that I don't know how you screwed that up someone had to hit play if he can recreate the SVU Donald the Charlie Sheen thing and we play the video with no audio yeah go ahead go ahead Charlie Sheen every minute of your life is like watching Fox 5 and news and then it's completely worthless go see me at the American comedy company 7 and 9:30 you idiot people might walk up to you occasionally and they might want to just take a picture with you isn't he congratulations great work with me they wanted to be mmm my life is harder well Stephen here's what I want you to realize hey you're lying nobody comes up to you okay Stephen a Smith does not have one cell not one it has never been a request for a picture there's never been a request for a date you are snaps your snap finger famous that's the gut that's the what's the guy that lasted how long nine years 100 Navy episode you gave it up right I did they didn't cancel you you canceled them you're not aware of this new thing I got canceled are you under the impression I guess I've hurt you Jerry I thought that was pretty well documented one show on television Larry you I am Jewish guy Brooklyn yes okay 75 million viewers man well it's it's a big difference between being canceled and being number one okay I'm sorry we'll be right back B movie opens be moving a resume in half will be over tomorrow my doctor he said he's not a very nice guy he said open your mouth and say oink yeah you need to get better insurance snore insurance he was calling me a fat pig well I mean nobody's gonna disagree with him oh I'm sorry I've got an acid tongue you do you're an acid tongue to Arab you look pumped buffed and cut you I mean you are ready to go thank you when did this happen for God's sakes um it's been a gradual process yeah well what is your goal about 50 years uh-huh started off really small yeah that's it how long have you had the sore throat just a couple of days so you know I had a sore throat and around the holidays what are you in it's what are you Y morning after morning do you sit up in your bed watching us talk about nothing could it be because you're addicted to watching us talk about nothing like so many viewers are no no what are you gonna say wrong next I've never seen a man that can be wrong and keep the same straight face so much contradict himself so many times and look in the camera in that Blake

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

  1. 8:15 when you started an argument with your girlfriend for no reason and it comes to the point where she's demolishing you

  2. Conan told her off so good…showing tits and then acts like the biggest lady in history..love you conan..if you show it be prepered for looks

  3. Seinfeld is arrogant cunt, with very punchable face. Couple of days of assraping in prison would humble him right up.

  4. conan is apparently thinks that just because he's famous it's ok to make women uncomfortable like that and apparently so does everybody else and I think thats not ok

  5. Conan destroyed that fake boob chick from pussycat dolls. Hope her career is over. You can tell she is just a shitty person 24/7 who thinks she is hotter than she is. Chicks at my neighborhood Walmart look about the same

  6. When you wear a push-up bra with a low cut shirt you forfeit the right to ask me what I am looking at or start with any of that "Focus" BS.

  7. It is typical American Female BS to walk around with their titties hanging and then complain when someone looks.

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